i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
