i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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