my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
