my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
