apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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