i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
