3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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