If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
