There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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