The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
