just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
