I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
