it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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