Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
