I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
