My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
