hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
