i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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