??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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