I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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