He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
