haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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