bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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