he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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