I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
