sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The air was thick with penises
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
