i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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