I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
