My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
