you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
