my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
