Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
