Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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