Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
