nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
