Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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