The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
