Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
