if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
