sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
