i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
