What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
