Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
