woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
handjob tips. give me some.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
