Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she smelled like a LAN party
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
