..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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