What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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