New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
