Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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