So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
