Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
